Thank you all for stopping by and having a read of my life as a Mum. I've got zero idea about what I'm meant to be doing, endless amounts of anxiety, but infinite love for my girls Evie and Grace.
  1. Hospital visit from hell
    01 Aug, 2017
    Hospital visit from hell
    Yesterday was just one of those days. I had another hospital visit to go over all of my test results. 7:50 - Wake up with Evie. Poor poppet is sick with a cold but in great spirits. 8:30 - Play with Evie....clean snot. Repeat. 9am – Lie down time for Mummy on the couch 10:15 - Slowly get my butt off the lounge and get ready for work. Pretty good so far right?!?! 1030 - Start work 30 minutes early to make sure all emails are actioned so that I don’t have to work too much on the drive to the
  2. Clingy Evie
    29 Jul, 2017
    Clingy Evie
    Lately, Evie has been super clingy. When it is just her and I at home she is very independent. She plays on her own, asks me to play sometimes, she lets me work at my desk, eats all her meals and sleeps like an angel (mostly!). But as soon as it is time for me to leave or there is someone else at home, all I hear is "Mummmmy.....Mummmmy!"  She cooks with me, cleans with me, brushes her teeth with me, everything. When it is time for me to go to work or just head down to the bins it is full on
  3. Nightmares
    25 Jun, 2017
    You could say I'm a bit of a zombie at the moment. I am getting a long stretch of sleep which is fab! However, they are broken and I am awoken in tears. Every night for the past 5 days or so I have been having nightmares. All different, but all surrounded by my biggest fear: loss. Last night, I lost it. I was in the shower and I cried and I cried and I cried. The sadness from the dreams combined with the tiredness I was feeling from the broken sleep was just too much. I didn't want to go to
  4. It makes me so mad!
    15 Jun, 2017
    It makes me so mad!
    I saw something on a friends Facebook feed today that has made me really angry and really disappointment. My friend had made a comment about a particular person in the media saying that he didn't like him. Whilst I'd love to know why that didn't bother me. What bothered me is that one of his Facebook friends called this person in the media an "obnoxious little Muslim". What the actual fuck?! It makes me SO mad!!!! I wonder if this person would say the same thing about someone who is an
  5. Trying to find the balance
    06 Jun, 2017
    Trying to find the balance
    On Saturday I took a day off. A much needed day off. I needed the day to unwind and recharge my batteries after a few weeks of being on edge (for various reasons I won't go into). It was such a good day! Watched my step-daughter play an incredible game of Netball, went on a gorgeous picnic and fed the ducks and geese, then came home and had some friends over for dinner. This was exactly what I needed!! I felt great mentally.....but shit....I was exhausted. Sunday came and all of those amazing
  6. Stupid dickheads cause me anxiety.
    23 May, 2017
    Stupid dickheads cause me anxiety.
    After a morning of having super fun with Miss Evie, I turn on the news and hear about what has happened in Manchester. This is my fear. I'll admit, ever since I heard about the first attack at a concert I have always been very apprehensive to go to any big event. The thought always crosses my mind. It even crosses my mind when I am at a cinema. I can't get rationalise my way out of it because what is actually occuring isn't rational. I hate this feeling. I love big events! I love concerts,
  7. 21 May, 2017
    Ugh! I need a break.
    Today is a really hard day for me. Sundays are my one day a week to zone out and forget about everything. A day where I can release the stress of work and home life. Even though all of these things are still present in some way or form, it is the one day where they come second. I'm lucky enough to have my Husband around who can help me with the 80 000 things I have going through my mind and remind me just to chill out. Unfortunately, I haven't had one of those days in a LONG time. I haven't
  8. 05 May, 2017
    Antenatal Appointment 1
    Today, I went to my first Antenatal appointment at the hospital. These visits always make me so anxious. I still haven't felt baby move at all and I know it's because of where my placenta is sitting at the moment (as everyone keeps reminding me) but I have no indication of whether my baby is healthy and enjoying life in the womb. As I sit there waiting, I remember all the times I felt anxious with Evie and how it turned out. I was always put at ease when they put the Doppler on my stomach and
  9. There's another one coming!!
    10 Apr, 2017
    There's another one coming!!
    I'm so excited to share this with you all!! I'm having another baby!!!!! This little bubba should be due around the end of October. I'm so that the nausea has settled. I'll keep you all up to date with whats going on inside the belly, body and mind as much as I can. it is going to be great this time around to be able to share all of the anxious thoughts that come with being pregnant and having a new little monkey.
  10. Telling the Step-Kids
    06 Apr, 2017
    Telling the Step-Kids
    Really nervous to tell my step kids about this new baby, but I don’t know why. They were sooo happy when we told them about Evie. The eldest was so excited to have another sibling to play with and help take care of. The youngest instantly started showing my tummy and the new baby love. So why so nervous this time? I think it is something every step parent feels when they have their own kids. I just want them to accept their new siblings as full, true siblings. I hate it when I hear people say
  11. Our first scan
    05 Apr, 2017
    Our first scan
    Today is the day we go for our first scan. I’m so anxious. What if something isn’t right? What if I’ve failed this baby already? It is so hard at this point of the pregnancy because you don’t really ‘feel’ pregnant. You just feel crappy…all the time. I guess that in itself is a sign? The nausea has subsided which is fab, but it makes me think why. Why has it stopped? Is it because the baby isn’t growing? Of course, I can’t just feel joy that I don’t feel like I need to puke at every moment.
  12. The Big 3.0.
    21 Mar, 2017
    The Big 3.0.
    It's just hit me. Tomorrow I'm turning 30. It still is young, I know that. But, I keep thinking about what I wanted to achieve at this age and whether I have got there or not. Then I thought about why I am thinking about artificial things like my career and owing a home, when I should be thinking about my happiness and how I feel about myself as a person. I realised that I'm actually okay about turning 30. I have a beautiful family, a wonderful Husband, and great support all around. I
  13. Sorry!!
    14 Mar, 2017
    Hi Everyone, Sorry I haven't posted in a while. Since my last blog I've had a bit going on. I've been unwell and work has been on another level! However, I will get back into the swing of it asap. Remember, I continuously upload on Facebook and Instagram so you can catch me there!
  14. 13 Mar, 2017
    The joys of the 1st trimester
    It finally happened. I vomited. 3 days of feeling horrendous and it happened. Although, it was so lack luster!! 2 pieces of grapes, a handful of chicken and bile. COME ON!!! I expected something massive! Does my body not know I had a vegemite and cheese sandwich too?? Where was that?! Hopefully now I can sleep…. NB. I fell asleep an hour later…..the joys.
  15. Thank you Adele
    14 Feb, 2017
    Thank you Adele
    I kept hearing about Adele's acceptance speech and really didn't think anything of it. I got really bored and just began clicking all the links coming up on my facebook page and one so happened to be the acceptance speech. I didn't expect it to be so real. Adele shares her struggles with being a Mum and how she still struggles with it. She says she lost herself. It is so great to be reassured that we aren't alone in this journey and it is totally normal to feel like a lesser version of
  16. Embarrassed Mum
    03 Feb, 2017
    Embarrassed Mum
    So Evie isn't even 2 yet and already we have TERRIBLE! It should be called Terrible Toddler! You better watch out when she doesn't get her way. Or, when something gets taken off her. Holy shit that girl can scream. When I'm at home it doesn't bother me, however, when I'm out I feel horrible. I feel like everyone is judging my parenting. I know I can't help that she's epically stubborn (she can thank me for giving that to her later) but I still feel like it is my fault that she is screaming
  17. My Grandparents.
    02 Feb, 2017
    My Grandparents.
    My God. My Grandparents could not be any cuter. They look after Evie every Wednesday and Thursday afternoon whilst I head to work. They get so damn excited. I couldn't bring Evie on Wednesday because Hubby was home and they were devastated. Apparently, my Grandpa got all excited about seeing her and in his cute Italian-Aussie accent said "My bebie coma tomorrow?" I broke their hearts. BUT they were going to see her the next day so it was okay. I brought her there this afternoon. My Grandmother
  18. Just had a major panic
    06 Jan, 2017
    Just had a major panic
    Evie just had a nap longer than 30 minutes for the first time in days! It was bliss! But when I picked her up she was covered in a rash. Her back, tummy, lady area, neck and upper arms. PANIC STATIONS! PANIC STATIONS! Instantly, I thought it had to be measles or something horrible and life threatening for a little one. I googled....thinking that it actually helped me when she had a temperature. NOPE! WRONG! Full panic mode had set in. She was sitting in her highchair happily eating her
  19. Temperature Panic!
    04 Jan, 2017
    Temperature Panic!
    Evie has a temperature. This is her second for the day. She has been quite sleepy but not sleeping great. I just went in her bedroom to check on her (just to satisfy my nightly anxious ritual) and there she was, standing up in her cot staring at me. I couldn't help myself. She is too damn cute. I picked her up and gave her a cuddle. The poor girl was so damn hot. I instantly panicked. I called out to my Husband who checked her temperature. 38.9 Degrees Celsius. Holly balls she has a fever! I
  20. It's true....people can be toxic
    22 Dec, 2016
    It's true....people can be toxic
    Do you have someone in your life who you know is toxic for you and your health? I do. However, for me it isn't as easy as just saying [email protected]$& You and ruling them out of my life completely. It's my Step-daughters Mum. She is not the type of person I would normally have in my life as I know they drag me down and cause my anxiety to flare up. She makes me feel like absolute shit; like I am incapable of making decisions that benefit girls or be an adequate Step-Mum. Nothing that I do or say is
My name is Marianna and I've been blogging since 2016. I've always had anxiety but once my first child (Evie) was born, I found my anxiety had changed. It got to the point where I had to be proactive and make a change. This is it! I'm also very active on Instagram so please take the time to follow us @theanxiousmumma
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